Journey II

In the morning we drive through inner Wyoming like a defensive lineman. We stop by a bar called Bitchs corner bar. Apparently legendary we learn of the locally hated first batch of Wyoming’s own whiskey. This whiskey is now a smooth, rich and expensive whiskey. The first batch was somewhere between petroleum and white lightning apparently. Bitchs is also supposed to be one of the most haunted places in the Union.

Driving through Wind River National park the podcast turns from movie, to movie, to Wind River and I make the connection that my lad had put this podcast on for just such an occasion and that this podcast had come out years ago. Wind River is a movie about domestic violence perpetrated on Native American women. The movie’s director and writer was a white man. Sometimes when I go through places with rich Native American history I feel a sadness and a loss and a great overwhelming peace.

We immediately set in to conversation with the person to find out that she had tended bar all across the United States, was twenty-two and lived with her boyfriend. We settled in amongst ourselves to discuss the fact that we thought they were a them rather than her, possibly a little too loudly. When Ryan went to the restroom the couple guys next to us asked me in a brusque way if “we wanted to go”. I responded immediately that we did “not want to go.” Ryan came back and we headed towards the door and the two guys said, “hey, you don’t have to go.”
During the night the wind howled and whipped through Wind Creek and around the corners of the cabin motel we stayed at.

We made it to Jackson Hole by morning. Driving past the Tetons on the way there the mountains were completely covered by clouds. In Jackson Hole town square we found a farmers market with tamales. 

As we go through the gate into Tetons National Park they let us know that the day is free. What luck? We get into our Colter Bay campsite and it turns out it’s the last night the campground is open. What luck? Campground reserved we go on a hike. Fifteen minutes into our hike we ran into a black bear on the trail. What the duck?

His shoulder tries to shake out of my grip as his eyes look back to the bear to my hand and his shoulder and then to my eyes and in so many words ask, “are you trying to murder me?” My eyes say in so many words, “Ryan, if I wanted to murder you I would be outrunning you right now”.

I looked over my shoulder to our mother friend and once she realized we had tucked, turned and left she took at an extremely aggressive pace away from us.
Out on the beach we found a fox. A fox that didn’t run away from the crowd gathered to watch it. As everyone turns around to give the fox a respectable distance, including two babes, my friend Ryan moves in for what would be a successful social media post.

Up the Big Mountain

More like babe mountain. We are packed as though we could be covered by an avalanche and stuck up there for three days. During the whole trip up and down both of us used about three things from our backpacks.

There is a brunette turbo babe pointing her phone at a blonde woman squatting behind a tree. As soon as I see it I duck my head and turn the corner of the path before the corner of the path. My friend at first confused, comes to attention and follows suit. As we huff and puff up the trail the girls giggle hysterically.

We keep asking every group that we pass if the turn off to the secret Delta Lake is still ahead. Each group continues to tell us that it is just a little further ahead and that the turn off is to the right after a switchback. “Ok. Cool. Thanks.”

“Hey. Do you know if this is the turnoff to Delta Lake?”

“Yeah. Bro. You just follow the path and when you hit the boulders go up.”

“Ok. Cool. Thanks.”

Delta lake is for some reason not a trail that the park promotes. The trail we had gone up is officially a path for Amphitheater and Surprise Lakes that looks over Jenny and Leah lakes. All you have to do to get to this ‘discouraged’ path is “take a right off of a switchback, and you can’t miss it.” If I had just been more interested in the blonde behind the tree that the brunette was pointing her smartphone towards I would have found this turn off but I averted my eyes and acted the gentleman.

We followed a path that seemed more like a deer path. After being alone for an hour we both independently started to understand that we were truly blazing our own trail.

As we gazed down at the turquoise lake from such great heights a sense of wonder and accomplishment settled upon us. All we had to do was find our way down to it.

As we nibbled ourselves like mountain goats or big horn sheep down a cliff side I found my friend on his stomach in the dirt hanging onto roots and myself a little further on jollily leading the way and in that jolliness of “oh gee. It really is quite easy”, almost losing my footing and falling off.

We celebrate at Teton Village. We find a restaurant that is open and smash on good food and cocktails. Somewhere out in that darkness a wind whipped through the Tetons and around corners of the cabin that we were drinking outside of and said, “Swift, Silent, Deep.”

Ryan rolled one and took it.

Then I took it.

Then I dropped it into Yellowstone Lake.

Black Hills

I meant to hold back the urge of asking if

Ryan wanted to make a stop in Devils Tower,

Spearfish, Keystone, Deadwood, Lead, 

Mt Rushmore, Custer State Park, 

Wind Cave National Park but I was unable to.

Existential crisis I

 

Omaha 2018

Woke up in my bed. I walked to my coffee machine and made some coffee. Took a shower in my bathroom. Got dressed and drove my car to Krispy Kreme and got two cream filled donuts. I drove back home and read my bible. While I listened to some music I read some history. I walked down the street to McDonalds for lunch. Walked home and ate McDonalds. I walked to work. Nothing to do at work today except check Snapchat, listen to the radio and go to McDonalds again.

Montana 2019

Woke up ten minutes before work. Hopped in shower and threw on some clothes. Walked up to the office with my shoes untied and clocked in. Walked back and made some coffee and pop tarts. Ate pop tarts on way back to office. 

Work was pretty easy. Simple tasks completed. We went to Yellowstone last week. Probably going to go soak at the hot springs tonight. Need to pick up groceries soon.

Omaha 2020

Woke up real late in the day. I have to save some of my money to make up bills. I have time for a ten mile run before work so I’ll go for it. I work tonight. Should be a breeze. Might read when I get off work.

Joke

So a white working class man walks into a bar that happens to be liberal and orders a drink. He says to the bartender who happens to be black, ‘I think that anyone protesting deserves to die’. The black bartender says to his coworker who happens to be homosexual, “did you here what this f***** just said?” Whereupon the homosexual coworker who happens to be a man texts his Uber driver outside who happens to be a woman, “hold on a minute, things just got hairy in here, can you give me five minutes?” Whereupon the woman became suddenly self-conscious of her hairy legs that she was trying to pull off to be more radical and texts back, “no.”

She drives off and gives the potential customer a negative rating.

Meanwhile inside the bar the potential for a squabble is seemingly at it’s zenith and the homosexual asks the black man, “excuse me? Did you call me a f*****?” Whereupon the white workers mouth drops open and is obviously offended for the homosexual. The black bartender responds to his coworker and tells him, “no I called this man a f*****.” 

“Why did you call this man a f*****?”

“Oh, because he is an Atlanta football fan.”

“Where did you get the idea that his brain couldn’t understand the virtues of civil disobedience from the fact that he liked the Atlanta Falcons?”

“Because I am a Saints fan and Falcons are idiots.”

At this point the working class white tipped two dollars and left the bar and got in his truck. The homosexual man clocked out and got in a second Uber he had ordered and the black bartender began swiping right on his Tinder.

The angry want to be feminist landed a random one hundred dollar tip from her next customer who happened to identify as a woman who complimented her on her legs. Whereupon the female Uber driver used the one hundred dollars that night to buy an expensive shaving kit from amazon.

Literature I

Hellbender the dwarf

After what I’ve seen of life I do not want anymore part of it. I have not smiled since she left

I will not let you kill your self. You are full of life.

If you left this world obviously I could replace you. If you stayed I am sure you could be of better use.

The kids are too young, the streams too polluted, the wars too advanced for me to help anymore. I am now only a nuisance.

Fine. I’ll go on through the ages enacting my will as I always have without you. You may regret it old boy. If you leave this world against my desire I may not help your desire on the other side.

I cannot go on any further without her. Even you know that. Why do you fuss me so? I do not want to fight your battles anymore.

Fuss you so? Such maudlin. I have come to think of you as my own child. There are serious spiritual dangers to suicide. There has to be.

Damn it all. I don’t care. I have no heart left. I have no desire.

Who filled your mind with such stories? Life is not about heart or desire once one loses those things indeed they are gone. You must continue with me in this thing called life. It is the only way.

Maybe you are right. If I have given it another try after I have lost everything before, what makes this time of despair any different? Fuck it. Let’s give it another round you and me. What have you got for me dwarf?

To be honest, not much. No ladies. No love. No passion.

Ok. Thank you dwarf. You know how to encourage a chap. So what? Every time I come back from the edge to our little partnership it does seem worse.

You have to do what I tell you everyday. These pansies, snowflakes, and bullies of this generation are all programmed the same and any antics that come out of them is not personality but errors in the coding.

We must go completely underground and stop writing for today’s audience but for the abandoned children of tomorrow. We must write hope for the unborn.

I have written hope. I have written scripts of virtue. I have lived my life with bravery and courage.

Yet you doubt. You doubt your value. You doubt your legacy. How will you write scripts of hope for the unborn if you doubt?

No. I can’t bear it. I will not be the Father of bastard generations. This is not my burden nor my responsibility.

So your choice is suicide? Your legacy is suicide? Your final act of bravery is suicide?

I have never been brave, dwarf. It has always been you. I have never wanted to be brave, only to be obedient.

Lord have mercy child. A lifetime of brave daring and still a spirit of servility. A coward full of battle scars. A pitiable creature with well-merited laurels.

I have been tired my entire life. Now my dear dwarf. Goodbye.

Ernest Hemingway went to his grave feeling fuller than an unrisen sun. I traveled through the woods, rivers, plains, creeks, mountains, and oceans for a writer that would encourage the world in its dealings when I happened upon Charles Bukowski in California and Hunter S Thompson in Kentucky. Ernest Hemingway was the black sheep boy who could wear the Golden Fleece but Bukowski and Hunter were pure freaks of nature. That was a good thing for they were the last of the literary scene anywhere in all the world for all time.

Hunter come on don’t shoot yourself. All I ask of you is to do one more thing.

Enough! I’ve had it with you dwarf.

Enough of me? I am the dwarf of Hemingway.

Yes. You are Bukowski’s invention of the dwarf of Hemingway. Blah, blah, blah.

I am the inspiration of millions. I am the inventor of masculinity. I am the taking of a woman’s virginity.

Go back to hell. Tricks are for kids.

I left Hunter S Thompson or Hunter S Thompson left me or we eloped into an eternal intimate death napkin, it hardly matters. A little more about me wouldn’t hurt. I am the masculinity of ages. That first time the toddler finds out how to bully another toddler is me. When that bullied toddler learns he can fight back is also me. I am from the oldest school of masculinity. I am an ancient root. I am something always being lost and yet never being replaced.  The men of the ages were all my slaves.

Another case of beer Bukowski. Another woman Bukowski. Another poem Mr Bukowski. Another day at general unskilled labor Bukowski.

Thank you dwarf. You are a gentleman and a scholar.

Another lustful thought about a young girl Bukowski. Another woman not returning your call Bukowski. Another night with no beer, no food and no company Bukowski. Another drunken night in a jail Bukowski.

Ok. Ok. What do you want dwarf?

You seize me whenever I think I have made it, or is it whenever I think I have escaped? Always why can’t I be rid of you? Why must you badger me so?

Why badger you so? Look at that gut Bukowski! Look at your misery Bukowski! Look at your reputation Bukowski! Why you are near complete ruin!

I am a professional. I like my life. I like myself. I do not like you.

You love me. Work harder. Produce more. Fail less. Live fuller.

Oh you are a peach. Give me a hug. I do love you dwarf. For you are mine and I am yours.

For I am you and you are me. Amen.

Now dwarf.

Yes sir.

How are those wives of Norman Mailer and William S Burroughs?

Stabbed and shot sir.

The legacy of Hemingway, Hunter, Mailer and Burroughs?

Annihilated sir.

My legacy dwarf?

You are nothing sir.

Why is that dwarf?

The rise of feminism, illiteracy spreading, inability to think critically, the devaluing of free inquiry and the imminent rise of political correctness.

I think masculinity may have a chance then.

You still believe in me? 

With your last breath?

Yes dwarf.

Poetry I

She said I was wearing a cowboy hat
The first night
She was writing a song about guys
Who wear cowboy hats for shade

Our friend gave me my first cowboy
Hat after he returned the colt
To cowboy Mike
And before he went to Washington

State for graduate school
He got the chicken fried steak
And I got the cottage pie
With free Pendleton whiskey shots

And we paid for each others
Whiskey and waters
Jack Daniel’s not Evan Williams
Sometimes rum and coke

The blonde waitress bends over
The counter for free as well
The Butt sisters turn their backs
To you when you use the restroom

We are told to cling to the bar
If anything gets out of hand
The dancing
Always the dancing

The rose of the rodeo asks me to dance
I refuse her.
She calls me sweet heart
She calls me sweet heart again

She calls me sweet heart a third time
I tell her she doesn’t want a city boy
She says that she might like a soft fuck
I told her I didn’t care

This threw up a red flag
But lit her curiosity
She was a kind of vase
I didn’t want to break

Into my face
She looks
I offer her my chair.
Damn Pendleton!

Her love in my rug
Her love in the other corner of my rug
Her love in my bed
Her love in my face

My love in the toilet
My love in a rag
My love in the sheets
My love in her cheeks

My love in her face
She wanted me to propose
To her with a ring
Proposing didn’t seem sensible

“Touch me.”
She was covered with dirt:
This.
“I am so tired.”

Clouds in front of the sun
I know the sun is there
Although I can’t see it
“Do you have a blanket?”

her number
her guitar and voice
Her serving me that whiskey
Me driving across that country

Presidential IV

George S. Patton 

“Cowardice is a disease and must be checked before it becomes epidemic by the only kind of discipline, perfect discipline.”

“A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood.” 

“Battles are won by frightening the enemy.”

“To halt under fire is folly and to halt under fire and not fire back is suicide.”

George S. Patton led the charge to liberate Europe in World War II from Nazi occupation. He believed in officers setting the example of moving forward out of fire.Consistently he wanted to move forward faster than his authority of command would enable him to. Although this was extremely frustrating for him he came to admit that these enforced orders that went against his preference of speed were for the best.

John F. Kennedy

Jack’s America had been Hyannis Port, Palm Beach, The Stork Club, elite prep schools, and Harvard. His world was summers in Europe and time in the south of France. Initially persecuted as a catholic in his bid for power in the Democratic Party he rose to popularity by the ruthless efforts of his brother Bobby Kennedy and JFK’s own pitiless competitive drive.

His youth, fitness of health and sense of idealism derived from his catholic and patriotic heritage along with his Father’s money, power and influence enabled Kennedy to tirelessly campaign. Although fit, athletic and able Kennedy had preexisting medical conditions that landed him in emergency rooms around the world unconscious. To keep his Superman image his life and death struggles throughout his campaigns and presidency were kept secret.

Matthews, Chris. Jack Kennedy: Elusive Hero. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2011.

Patton, Jr., George S. War As I Knew It. Houghton Mifflin, November 1947.