I just put the car in first gear with my right hand while my left hand was on the steering wheel and then with my left foot I pushed down the clutch while my right foot pushed on the gas. All of the sudden I was parked at Lake leading man of Interstellar. Then I was staring up at the stars blacked out directly beneath the milky way galaxy (which I thought we were a part of, why the fuck am I looking at it?), sorry for cussing, praying to God, first time in way too long, just telling him about how my family tree was doing. Of course nothing to report directly but extensively there was a mouthful.
All of the sudden I was at Mt Bierstadt and it was sunny asf and a buddy dude named Ethan and I were talking about him going to medical school, Killian Jornet and what’s his bucket the solo climber? Well, Ethan remembered the name for the both of us. I stood there trying to catch my breath at some kind of high elevation as I applied my sunscreen, drank my water and ate my granola bar.
I just set in to the walk as though I was walking my normal route from downtown to UNO campus just this time I was wearing a space suit and on Mars. Mostly a war between my ego and my willpower of thinking about the glory of climbing my first fourteener and knowing that it really didn’t fucking matter. Then after letting the medical student speed past me I finally started passing other people which helped my confidence.
I ascended. Big deal. Then I had to descend and I noticed a bunch of childish girly stuff on the way down like how friendly the marmots were and the wildflowers everywhere and the view of the valley. My car was also looking absolutely exquisite once I got to it with my slayed fourteener in the background. I drove back down the mountain hitting the brakes madly and I couldn’t stop debating whether the smell of burnt rubber was coming from my car or Georgetown.
I drank as heavily as a man can of Bud light that evening and the pulled pork sandwiches made that statement true. In the morning I was woken up by a golden retriever. Then I was at Mount Blue Sky. Rocky Mountain Big Horn Sheep were there to greet me, without that many capitals in the animals name because I didn’t see any rams, and I tightened the straps on my back pack after taking a piss in the public outhouse. I was off up the Mt. Blue Sky trail. Blam. Mountain goat.
I had wanted to see a mountain goat since I was, blam, two more mountain goats. Son of a bitch, mountain goat coming right at me on the trail, ok pal just listen I don’t want any problems I am just going to step behind this rock and you continue on the trail and I will just bushwack for a moment or two or four as I was following a goat path and ran into some young people who were lost asf and I ditched them and climbed up some boulders and found the trail.
At the summit were some baby mountain goats. I know, adorable. Well, that was fun, time for a descent. Back in the suburbs I was happy about my trip because I had climbed my fourteeners.
